The Proposal!

We are engaged!!!

I don't think this comes as much of a surprise to many.  I've been expecting this for 2 1/2 years, so I knew it was coming.  And because there had been so much talk about it, I didn't think Brett would be able to surprise me.  We are not a "dating" couple.  So I figured if we went out to dinner sometime, that would be when he would propose.

So I patiently waited.

That's a lie.  I wasn't patient at all.  There was always lots of joking and "hinting" about proposals and even though I knew he was going to propose at some point, I was completely in the dark about when he would do it.  At the beginning of October, I was preparing for a busy month.  3 consecutive weekends were filled with Fall Conference, Vegas, and the Amazing Race.  So I couldn't find a time that made sense for a proposal and figured I'd have to wait even longer.  It was a reality I had come to terms with.  I was talking to my roommate about it and she asked if Brett would propose during Fall Conference.  And a couple days later my other roommate asked the same thing.  I was 100% confident he would not.

He did.

Saturday morning started with breakfast where a friend told me the first thing he would do when he got home would be to tell Brett my ring size; a pretty typical conversation :)  Brett stopped by and said hey and everything seemed totally normal!  We split up for quiet time and after that hour we met again to listen to our speaker.  Stephen stepped up to begin his talk and said that before he began, Brett wanted to say a few things.  Brett was sitting in the row behind me and I remember looking back confused when he got up and walked to the front.

He started talking about how he was trying to step into this weekend but there was something that was distracting him that he needed to get off of his chest. And then he called me up.

I remember hearing gasps and feeling excitement all around me, but I just froze. I was convincing myself he was not going to propose in front of all 200 people there, because that was not something he would do.  I was finally pushed out of my chair by an excited friend and made my way up to the front.  I was in such shock and was really hesitant walking up there.  He started talking about how he couldn't imagine his life without me (cue excited girls now) and he wanted to say that he loved me in front of everyone.  At this point I think most everyone has come to grips with the fact that he was going to propose. Except for me.  I was still so shocked.

It wasn't until he got down on one knee that I finally realized what was going on.  And after that all I remember is how much me and Brett were both shaking. I'm surprised he was able to get the ring on! And what a beautiful ring it is!! Thinking about it makes me shake still.  Luckily we have video of it!

So far, being engaged has been kind of surreal.  I thought I knew how to plan a wedding and then I got engaged and realized I have no idea how to do this.  So it's been an interesting process but my fiancee (still so weird to say!!) and I are having fun dreaming  :)

We don't have many things figured out yet, but for those of you that love asking questions, we are planning on getting married July next summer here in Colorado...somewhere.

63!!

I am so proud to be on leadership with such an amazing group of people.  A couple of weeks ago we were nearing the deadline for Fall Conference.  With a goal of 70 people and only 27 registered, we had a lot of work to do in 3 days.  80 names were written down and we committed to holding each other accountable to invite them.  It was overwhelming to think about.  

But God really moved in this moment.  In 3 days we nearly doubled our number, reaching 49 registered.  With an extension, the number was brought up to 63, and the last 7 people registered in the last couple of hours!  It was so amazing to get the updates and see God working through all of us leaders.  

I am getting so excited for Fall Conference because of the people we have going.  I wrote out the list of all 63 people yesterday and was so surprised at how long the list was!  I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to create close bonds with friends, to spend time in the mountains, and to focus on being filled and refreshed with the presence of God.  

So, to everyone that worked so hard to invite friends, thank you so much!  It's a blessing to know you and call you friends  :) 

84 cookies

When I'm stressed, I like to bake.  It relieves stress.  It lets me focus on something I can control.  It's something I'm good at.  

This week I baked 84 cookies.  

It's been a really really busy crazy week.  And this was supposed to be an easy week!  I don't understand why it got so crazy but let me tell you...

I think part of why I've been stressed is because I no longer go home when I have breaks at school.  I enjoy breaks at school because it gives me the potential to work on homework (although that hasn't happened to the extent I would like yet) and it's nice to see people I don't have class with.  But on the other hand, I think there is something really restful about being at home.  Even if your working, it's more restful.  So I think that's really been wearing on me.  Tuesday I left home at 8 and got back at 1 in the morning.  The other days have been pretty similar.  

Next week is looking even busier.  I have 3 tests next week.  And we are doing the IV Proxe Station.  I'm really excited for the proxe, it just came at a bad time.  On the plus side, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon classes are canceled since my professor is going to a beer festival.  I am excited for that!  

But I need to start focusing on how I am going to handle stress and busy weeks like these.  To start with, I need to use my time more wisely.  To be more productive at school, and multitask when I am working on simpler things.  And I need to sleep.  I should probably also make time to take bathes with a glass of wine, that would be helpful.  And I need to actually talk about it.  

When I am emotionally and relationally drained, it is really hard to me to be nice and energetic and happy around the people I am most comfortable around and care for me the most.  It just creates problems where there shouldn't be which creates more stress.  So I really need to attempt to change in that way.  Not easy.  

I would also like to start running again.  It would be really beneficial for me to get outside and be more active and I think it would really help me clear my mind.  But there's that whole lack of time thing to deal with...

I feel like I'm just ranting about how crazy life is, but that is all that I can think of right now.  Right now my to-do list is running through my mind, full of things I need get started on.  So, I should probably go.  But I would like to start blogging more consistently.  No promises though.  

TMI

Today at work a 70 year old man hinted about his sex life.

I know it's important to ask people how they are doing and to be interested in their lives.  I never realized how dangerous that truly was until today.  Too. Much. Information.


Pretty clever title, huh? :)

Birthday!!

Am I one lucky girl or what??  

Divine Provision

You know those days where everything goes wrong.  EVERYTHING.  Day's when your car battery is dead and getting a new battery is a 2 hour long $100 adventure. Day's when you leave home at 8 and get back 14 1/2 hours later. Day's that you are so emotionally drained you can't even talk.  And then, maybe you spray water all over yourself because the bathroom sink is messed up.  Day's when you only remember stuff when you don't need to get it and you only forget those very important things when you are running late.  And while heading over to grab the thing you forgot that is making you late, you're crying and have no way of stopping because you are so drained of any energy all you can do is cry.  And then the place you are going to is the first bible study of the semester and you have to lead it with abounding joy and overflowing energy and the thought of that is totally overwhelming.  

That was my day.  I was ready to quit and crying in the parking lot 5 minutes before bible study was proof of that.  But thank God that I was forced to continue with my day.  Cause bible study kinda rocked my world.

Tonight was one of the most intense bible studies ever.  I saw God opening hearts.  I've never had that experience with people I've just met before, and even if most of them didn't know how to handle sharing the things God was placing on their hearts, it was neat to see them open up so much.  Two people starting tearing up from sharing about death's they've had to deal with.  People started confessing things they knew needed to change (to almost complete strangers).  We talked for twice the time that was planned for and we could have talked way longer.  It was just really cool.  

In a way, I'm a little bit scared for this semester because I see a lot of places that weren't controlled tonight and I think if Kevyn and I are able to harness the energy and excitement we saw tonight, the potential is unbelievable.  These freshmen are visioning for what they want on our campus already and it completely blows me away.  I'm really excited to become friends with these amazing individuals and catch some of the fire they have for Jesus!!  

I have been in a similar situation several times this semester already.  Holy cow, that's a lot of s's.  Anyway, the pattern is becoming : I freak out, God provides above and beyond.  It happened again.  Second week of school and I think this would be the third time God has revealed himself in this way.  

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity."  Jeremiah 29 : 11 - 14a

Hello again!!

I realize it has been near a million years since I have posted anything here.  I need to get better.  And I think I will be!  Because I've been encouraged to spend 5 minutes a day thinking about the ways God showed himself to me and how that is changing me as a leader.  I've adapted it a little so that not only am I reflecting on how he's showing himself, but I also take time to ask him to reveal himself to me.

And it's really neat to spend time thinking about it!  Asking myself how I am being changed as a leader is one of the hardest questions I've ever had to answer, but reflecting on how God is showing up has been really neat.  Because he has been!  I think I had a mentality that InterVarsity at Mines was kinda being abandoned this year.  And we did lose a lot of people and a lot of support.  I was excited for the potential of what our fellowship could accomplish without our head, but very nervous at the same time.

I seemed to completely forget that God is ultimately our leader and that he will always provide.  I'm blown away by how he has provided.  The pattern I've been noticing now is I'll worry about one thing, and then God comes through in this over-the-top way that amazes me.  Then something else comes up that I worry about and God provides for that as well.  I hope I can start remembering all the ways I've been cared for so that I can release my controls and give everything up to God.  I'm so excited about the potential I am already seeing for this year.

Messy Rooms

Mine, for one, is a disaster area.  Laundry everywhere, disorganized desk, just madness.  

Also 310, the hotel room I just checked a guest into.  Seems like it was the last room to get done and someone must have forgot halfway through because only part of the room was cleaned.  It sucks to be in this situation because it was nothing that I did, yet I am the only person the guest has to deal with about it. Luckily we got everything situated eventually and the guest was not super upset about it. I feel so embarrassed though.  And I can't get my heart to calm down.  

Muscle relaxants seem to be helping though :)  

Shiny Happy People

Summer brings the wild, crazy, mean people to the hotel.  The latest example? Being a slave to Satan herself.  But praise be to God, there are also nice people.  Today was a day full of nice people.  And I made a friend!

A guest called from a few blocks away asking for directions.  I thought my directions were clear enough, two right turns and you've reached your destination!  But he called 10 minutes later hopelessly lost.  It was a bonding moment only furthered when he finally reached the hotel and checked in.

He came a little bit later for some wine...and also some beer and we got to chatting.  Like I said, good friends.  He headed back to the room, his wife, and his two little ones, and I back to work.  I like having fun with guests and this is generally the extent that I'll talk to them.  But me and my new friend had one more meeting when I walked out of the back door of the hotel and caught him and his wife making out.  Good, good friends.

That man single-handedly made the last week and a half at work worth it.  I'm just sorry I can't say goodbye tomorrow.

Dear Tom,

The squeaky wheel really does get the grease! :)  This post is dedicated written because of you.

I just got home from God Answers.  We got a panel of pastors and asked people for their best questions.  Last year was the first time InterVarsity put this on and it blew us all away.  So, this year I think people went in expecting a miracle again and at the start, not many people showed and I think that was a little discouraging to some.  Either way I was excited to listen to some answers to hard questions.

Then I was asked to pray for the event in a separate room with a few others.  My initial reaction was disappointment because I really did want to be in the room, but after starting to pray, I realized the huge honor and opportunity I was given.  We spent 2 1/2 hours in that room, not necessarily praying the entire time, with a little break in the middle.  That's the most time I've ever spent in prayer.

It was great because we had a specific thing we needed to pray for, but it was still very vague in that.  We all just prayed about what we felt called to, and had a couple people texting us about certain things that really needed prayer. That prayer was a conversation between me, God, and 4 other people, and that was incredible!  That is what group prayer should look like, and I would love to share that with others.  Ya, I don't really know what else to add.  I spent the last couple of hours sitting, but I still feel totally wiped.  That just took a lot out of me, but filled me up at the same time.  

Blessings

The past few days have been kinda weird for me.  It's been as though I haven't been the one living my life, I've just been observing people live around me. I've felt stuck in a bubble unable to connect to people; and this is a huge problem since I'm a relational person and need that connection.  But studying alone all day can do that to you, I guess.

I think thats when it started.  Tuesday was spent locked up in my room attempting to learn biochem.  And then large group was different.  It was really good, but I was put in a really different situation so what I got out of large group is much different than what others got out of large group.  This is only a problem when you are the person responsible for writing a blog about the evening to get others to interact and learn and reflect more.  So, ya, I'm just having a problem putting what I learned aside and writing for the group.

The relational bubble continued today with more studying, and then heading to work, which made it the weirdest Wednesday every.  But I got a Starbucks gift card, so not all was lost. Then it was bible study.  Lately, I've gone into bible study with low expectations or little energy, although there is absolutely no reason for me to do that.  But this amazing group of people never fail to brighten my day.  A couple weeks ago, we walked around the dorms and asked people to study a passage for a few minutes with us.  I was expecting so many no's, but every person me and Chris talked to said yes; the person wrapped in a towel ready to take a shower, the atheist doing homework, the boys playing video games; every single person.  And perhaps the best part was I got to follow Chris around and see him lead his friends.  I didn't do anything, and that was so amazing to see; to tangibly see God's faithfulness.

Tonight we had another great discussion.  Just really digging into the passage and asking questions that we can't answer.  Bible study is not something I do well, but it is so great to be surrounded by a group that so strongly desires answers.  They are not settled, they are not content with mediocre faith, they search for answers, they seek.  I can't even explain how much they have taught me.

And tomorrow I get to look at a room full of the group leading next year.  I am so excited to learn more from this group.  This year was so amazing, it's hard to think of even more being possible next year!

Empty!!

After not sleeping and studying anatomy for 6 hours straight, I decided to sit down with some breakfast and my email inbox and all important emails have finally been replied to!!  

I would post a picture of said beautiful empty inbox, but it's only uploading side ways :(

Off to go do some aerobics now.  Weekend starts at 2!!!

Mini Band-aids

Saying that I have a busy 2 days is an understatement.  I have two tests, two lab reports, and just a lot of stuff I need to know.  I woke up feeling overwhelmed and lost.  Just not really even knowing where to start.  But as the day continued, I started feeling better about where I stood.  Honestly, I felt a change every minute, and now, even though I do have a lot of stuff to finish, I feel ok.  

I have a bad habit of keeping my burdens to myself.  I don't feel like anyone should have to carry that for or with me, but unfortunately, this habit spread to God and I don't let him take anything off of my shoulders.  This is something I noticed with a painful slap in the face last week, so I've been trying to change, trying to give him my burdens and the burdens of my friends as well.  I think thats why I'm feeling ok.  I'm pretty sure God understands the principles of thermodynamics so He won't have any problems with me passing these labs onto Him :)  

Today, I discovered a tiny cut on top of my hand that hurt like none other.  It's in a place that is constantly moved so I feel it all the time.  I found a mini band-aid though, and it makes me feel better, mostly because it's mini.  

My New Pen

Life is busy.  Spring break kinda accelerated everything, which really wasn't the plan.  I've been trying to be more productive, but my ability to focus and actually work is seriously lacking.  This post may or may not be my way of procrastinating...

But I did want to share something new in my life that has brought immense joy.  This pen is wonderful.  It's like the cheapest pen ever, there isn't even a brand, but I love my handwriting with it and that just makes me really happy.

Also, this picture was taken with my phone.  I have fallen in love with the iphone!  I don't know how I lived without it.

I have had some really great conversations with friends.  About pain and struggle and new exciting things to come.

AND, I have found the best Pandora station. Christina Perri is the artist and the music is the most random assortment of most of the music I love.

This month has been really hard, but has really blessed me.  I'm excited for what else is in store.

Blogger's Block

I don't know why I always find it so difficult to start writing a new post on Burning Embers.  I generally have an idea of what I want to say, but I think that my writing gets better the further on in the post.  So, I'm gonna practice and rant here first I suppose.  Large Group tonight was about judging people.  I'm a judgmental person.  I try not to let people know that I am judging them, but it leads to me getting really annoying over really stupid things; like bad drivers. I judge drivers all the time, and I get mad and frustrated, and that makes me a worse driver, which makes me more mad.  It's just a never ending cycle.

And I hate people that judge, I know, I realize the hypocrisy.  I firmly believe that we are called to love everyone and in that, not judge them.  But for some reason, I cannot apply this to myself.  I am able to give strangers a free pass (somewhat), but I am really hard on my friends.  I just hold you all to a really high standard, and I ignore the plank.

...Inspired.  This worked.

Stupid Questions

If I have learned one thing from working in customer service it's this: people are stupid.  Here are some questions to prove it.

Q: Where is the restaurant?
A:  You see that area behind you where people are eating?  Ya, that's it...

Q: How do I use the phone?
A:  Um...What part don't you understand?  I mean, picking up, dialing...it's all pretty tough...

Q (via phone): What is your phone number?
A:  That would be the number you just called
         *This question has happened twice*

I'm sure there have been others, but those happened yesterday.  Sometimes I honestly do not understand people.

Living Like Mike

Fruita, Colorado got put on the map in 1945.  With a headless chicken.  Mike was supposed to be dinner, ended up living for 18 months, without a head.

I feel like Mike right now.  Running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Life's just been really busy.  I have stuff going on all the time. Even the time spent being lazy I'm multitasking. But I am finally at a place of rest, for a few days at least.

I'm ready to spend some time by myself.  I need to think, I need to remember.  When life gets busy it's hard to realize all the ways that you are constantly being blessed and I think I am at that place.  I am so happy and am not getting stressed amidst the crazy that is rapidly taking over my life, but I really can't remember the last time I put time aside to think about how wonderful my life is.

I don't see the "headless chicken routine" slowing down any time soon, but I am excited to see what happens in that.  There are so many things in my life right now that have so much potential to bring joy and I can't wait to embrace that and live with total joy again.

In talking to a friend about spiritual vision for this semester, I was able to realize something that I'm missing and hope to bring back into my life again soon.  I want to fall in love with God again.  I need to feel His embrace and comfort and let Him take control.  I want my cup to overflow with Him and everything He has given me.  After feeling so alone and so forsaken, getting the slightest glimpse at what He has in store for this semester is already changing my entire world.

Uncontrollable Dancing

For the past few days, things have been going my way.  It started with a free song download.  Of the three options, one just happened to a song I have recently fallen in love with.  A song that inspires uncontrollable dancing.  I can prove it.

Then I got to hang out with people I missed dearly.  We had a fun get together where we played games and ate delicious food, thanks to our beautiful hostess!!  Although Catchphase (first time I ever played!) and Uno (One of my favorite games, despite the simplicity) were great fun, the most memorable part of the night was playing Xbox Kinect.  What an incredible system!  So much fun to play and even more fun to watch!!  I have many more blurry pictures to prove it.  And videos :)  Those will only be used for blackmail.  

Christmas Break

Long time no blog!  I have several things to blame, but I also think that I have this weird disorder that kinda sucks.  A disorder where I do nothing when I have nothing to do, and then when I have a million things to do I enjoy killing myself by adding even more.  For example, I slept over break, for like a lot of it.  But today I was pretty much non-stop, yet I feel like I have the energy to write a blog post at 1:30 in the morning...

But break went something like this.

Baking with the sista.

Mmm, tasty treat platter!!

Trying the buttermilk for a recipe.  For any curious, no, it is not delicious.

Then Christmas.  It started with work on Christmas Eve, not a huge deal, but mean people almost took away my Christmas spirit.  I just don't understand being rude... Grinch's...  But then there was lots more baking and family time which brought the happy back into my life.

Me and my sister again, sporting our aprons.

A couple days later was a surgery.  No worries, I'm not dying or anything.  This is where the sleeping comes in.

Part of the reason I slept for almost 3 straight days.

So there was break.  Exciting, I know.  But it really was restful and I spent a lot of time with my family, who I love despite some crazy.

I have had a little bit more bloggable material during the past couple of days so I won't be so absent.  I've missed you too.