84 cookies

When I'm stressed, I like to bake.  It relieves stress.  It lets me focus on something I can control.  It's something I'm good at.  

This week I baked 84 cookies.  

It's been a really really busy crazy week.  And this was supposed to be an easy week!  I don't understand why it got so crazy but let me tell you...

I think part of why I've been stressed is because I no longer go home when I have breaks at school.  I enjoy breaks at school because it gives me the potential to work on homework (although that hasn't happened to the extent I would like yet) and it's nice to see people I don't have class with.  But on the other hand, I think there is something really restful about being at home.  Even if your working, it's more restful.  So I think that's really been wearing on me.  Tuesday I left home at 8 and got back at 1 in the morning.  The other days have been pretty similar.  

Next week is looking even busier.  I have 3 tests next week.  And we are doing the IV Proxe Station.  I'm really excited for the proxe, it just came at a bad time.  On the plus side, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon classes are canceled since my professor is going to a beer festival.  I am excited for that!  

But I need to start focusing on how I am going to handle stress and busy weeks like these.  To start with, I need to use my time more wisely.  To be more productive at school, and multitask when I am working on simpler things.  And I need to sleep.  I should probably also make time to take bathes with a glass of wine, that would be helpful.  And I need to actually talk about it.  

When I am emotionally and relationally drained, it is really hard to me to be nice and energetic and happy around the people I am most comfortable around and care for me the most.  It just creates problems where there shouldn't be which creates more stress.  So I really need to attempt to change in that way.  Not easy.  

I would also like to start running again.  It would be really beneficial for me to get outside and be more active and I think it would really help me clear my mind.  But there's that whole lack of time thing to deal with...

I feel like I'm just ranting about how crazy life is, but that is all that I can think of right now.  Right now my to-do list is running through my mind, full of things I need get started on.  So, I should probably go.  But I would like to start blogging more consistently.  No promises though.  

Divine Provision

You know those days where everything goes wrong.  EVERYTHING.  Day's when your car battery is dead and getting a new battery is a 2 hour long $100 adventure. Day's when you leave home at 8 and get back 14 1/2 hours later. Day's that you are so emotionally drained you can't even talk.  And then, maybe you spray water all over yourself because the bathroom sink is messed up.  Day's when you only remember stuff when you don't need to get it and you only forget those very important things when you are running late.  And while heading over to grab the thing you forgot that is making you late, you're crying and have no way of stopping because you are so drained of any energy all you can do is cry.  And then the place you are going to is the first bible study of the semester and you have to lead it with abounding joy and overflowing energy and the thought of that is totally overwhelming.  

That was my day.  I was ready to quit and crying in the parking lot 5 minutes before bible study was proof of that.  But thank God that I was forced to continue with my day.  Cause bible study kinda rocked my world.

Tonight was one of the most intense bible studies ever.  I saw God opening hearts.  I've never had that experience with people I've just met before, and even if most of them didn't know how to handle sharing the things God was placing on their hearts, it was neat to see them open up so much.  Two people starting tearing up from sharing about death's they've had to deal with.  People started confessing things they knew needed to change (to almost complete strangers).  We talked for twice the time that was planned for and we could have talked way longer.  It was just really cool.  

In a way, I'm a little bit scared for this semester because I see a lot of places that weren't controlled tonight and I think if Kevyn and I are able to harness the energy and excitement we saw tonight, the potential is unbelievable.  These freshmen are visioning for what they want on our campus already and it completely blows me away.  I'm really excited to become friends with these amazing individuals and catch some of the fire they have for Jesus!!  

I have been in a similar situation several times this semester already.  Holy cow, that's a lot of s's.  Anyway, the pattern is becoming : I freak out, God provides above and beyond.  It happened again.  Second week of school and I think this would be the third time God has revealed himself in this way.  

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity."  Jeremiah 29 : 11 - 14a

Hello again!!

I realize it has been near a million years since I have posted anything here.  I need to get better.  And I think I will be!  Because I've been encouraged to spend 5 minutes a day thinking about the ways God showed himself to me and how that is changing me as a leader.  I've adapted it a little so that not only am I reflecting on how he's showing himself, but I also take time to ask him to reveal himself to me.

And it's really neat to spend time thinking about it!  Asking myself how I am being changed as a leader is one of the hardest questions I've ever had to answer, but reflecting on how God is showing up has been really neat.  Because he has been!  I think I had a mentality that InterVarsity at Mines was kinda being abandoned this year.  And we did lose a lot of people and a lot of support.  I was excited for the potential of what our fellowship could accomplish without our head, but very nervous at the same time.

I seemed to completely forget that God is ultimately our leader and that he will always provide.  I'm blown away by how he has provided.  The pattern I've been noticing now is I'll worry about one thing, and then God comes through in this over-the-top way that amazes me.  Then something else comes up that I worry about and God provides for that as well.  I hope I can start remembering all the ways I've been cared for so that I can release my controls and give everything up to God.  I'm so excited about the potential I am already seeing for this year.

Empty!!

After not sleeping and studying anatomy for 6 hours straight, I decided to sit down with some breakfast and my email inbox and all important emails have finally been replied to!!  

I would post a picture of said beautiful empty inbox, but it's only uploading side ways :(

Off to go do some aerobics now.  Weekend starts at 2!!!

Mini Band-aids

Saying that I have a busy 2 days is an understatement.  I have two tests, two lab reports, and just a lot of stuff I need to know.  I woke up feeling overwhelmed and lost.  Just not really even knowing where to start.  But as the day continued, I started feeling better about where I stood.  Honestly, I felt a change every minute, and now, even though I do have a lot of stuff to finish, I feel ok.  

I have a bad habit of keeping my burdens to myself.  I don't feel like anyone should have to carry that for or with me, but unfortunately, this habit spread to God and I don't let him take anything off of my shoulders.  This is something I noticed with a painful slap in the face last week, so I've been trying to change, trying to give him my burdens and the burdens of my friends as well.  I think thats why I'm feeling ok.  I'm pretty sure God understands the principles of thermodynamics so He won't have any problems with me passing these labs onto Him :)  

Today, I discovered a tiny cut on top of my hand that hurt like none other.  It's in a place that is constantly moved so I feel it all the time.  I found a mini band-aid though, and it makes me feel better, mostly because it's mini.  

My New Pen

Life is busy.  Spring break kinda accelerated everything, which really wasn't the plan.  I've been trying to be more productive, but my ability to focus and actually work is seriously lacking.  This post may or may not be my way of procrastinating...

But I did want to share something new in my life that has brought immense joy.  This pen is wonderful.  It's like the cheapest pen ever, there isn't even a brand, but I love my handwriting with it and that just makes me really happy.

Also, this picture was taken with my phone.  I have fallen in love with the iphone!  I don't know how I lived without it.

I have had some really great conversations with friends.  About pain and struggle and new exciting things to come.

AND, I have found the best Pandora station. Christina Perri is the artist and the music is the most random assortment of most of the music I love.

This month has been really hard, but has really blessed me.  I'm excited for what else is in store.

Living Like Mike

Fruita, Colorado got put on the map in 1945.  With a headless chicken.  Mike was supposed to be dinner, ended up living for 18 months, without a head.

I feel like Mike right now.  Running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Life's just been really busy.  I have stuff going on all the time. Even the time spent being lazy I'm multitasking. But I am finally at a place of rest, for a few days at least.

I'm ready to spend some time by myself.  I need to think, I need to remember.  When life gets busy it's hard to realize all the ways that you are constantly being blessed and I think I am at that place.  I am so happy and am not getting stressed amidst the crazy that is rapidly taking over my life, but I really can't remember the last time I put time aside to think about how wonderful my life is.

I don't see the "headless chicken routine" slowing down any time soon, but I am excited to see what happens in that.  There are so many things in my life right now that have so much potential to bring joy and I can't wait to embrace that and live with total joy again.

In talking to a friend about spiritual vision for this semester, I was able to realize something that I'm missing and hope to bring back into my life again soon.  I want to fall in love with God again.  I need to feel His embrace and comfort and let Him take control.  I want my cup to overflow with Him and everything He has given me.  After feeling so alone and so forsaken, getting the slightest glimpse at what He has in store for this semester is already changing my entire world.

Uncontrollable Dancing

For the past few days, things have been going my way.  It started with a free song download.  Of the three options, one just happened to a song I have recently fallen in love with.  A song that inspires uncontrollable dancing.  I can prove it.

Then I got to hang out with people I missed dearly.  We had a fun get together where we played games and ate delicious food, thanks to our beautiful hostess!!  Although Catchphase (first time I ever played!) and Uno (One of my favorite games, despite the simplicity) were great fun, the most memorable part of the night was playing Xbox Kinect.  What an incredible system!  So much fun to play and even more fun to watch!!  I have many more blurry pictures to prove it.  And videos :)  Those will only be used for blackmail.  

The Quiet

School is finally done.  Finals are a thing of the past.  Everything school related has been taken out of my room, car, and purse, and been neatly organized in my closet.  Mean teachers have been forgiven...kinda.  And I am finally at peace.  Last week was hard.  I managed to get through with only one major meltdown, which is amazing considering the kind of semester I had.  I had one completely awful final, a couple OK ones, and one weird one, just down right weird.  But I have spent little time thinking about school for the past few days.  I've been enjoying total relaxation with great people.  

I am currently in a dark room with lit candles snuggled up in bed with a mocha and a truffle next to me and an interesting book waiting to be read.  But for now I am enjoying the quiet to think.  

This has been such an amazing year so far.  I have been blessed more than I can even explain and it's so great to be quiet and take the time to remember.  This semester has been evolutionary in my life.  I can't put into words how much my world has changed and I'm excited to see what lies ahead.  School's only been out for a couple of days but I already miss the community and the friendships.  January can't come soon enough!

But enough of my ramblings.  It's bed time.  Gotta wake up tomorrow and drive my best friend to the airport.  

Rest

Real rest is hard to come by but I think I finally found it this break. I have not done homework since Monday night and it has been fantastic. My days have been incredibly busy, running everywhere and doing a million different things but I rested in that.

Today was a new type of relaxing. I didn't have a million things to do. In fact, I didn't do anything. Instead of writing a bio paper I made huge progress on the scarf I'm knitting (looks wonderful if you were wondering.) I also watched lots of T.V., and had a couple beers with some friends. Yeah, it's been relaxing. I feel rested, but also kind of lazy. It's time to be productive.

Tomorrow I'm kicking it into high gear. I'm gonna use this blog as some accountability again. By tomorrow night I would like to been done with my paper and all my note cards, as a minimum. I could also do some P Chem homework that I just found out about since my professor likes to be mean and doesn't post homework over break when we have time, but late on a Sunday night. I wouldn't have done the homework over break, I just would have liked to know about it...crazy teachers.

Hope you all had a relaxing and refreshing Thanksgiving!

I have a problem...

I've recently noticed that when I sit down to talk to people, the conversations take about 2 hours.  We just keep talking, about everything and anything.  This is not necessarily a problem I feel I need to fix, I love talking to people, I just don't know how to stop...

I think talking and writing are the ways I process thoughts.  Without them, I get stuck in my head and start over-analyzing everything.  I love hearing other peoples thoughts and I always find myself feeling challenged after I talk to a friend.

So for those of you that have put up with my chattiness, thanks.  And if you've haven't had the opportunity yet, I would love to talk sometime :)

Monday!!

I differ from most in that I look forward to Monday.  It has become my favorite day of the week.  I always wake up early (6 am early) for work on Saturday and then 9 for church on Sunday.  Both days consist of work and homework and it generally isn't very restful.

But Mondays...Mondays are wonderful.  I don't have class til 2 and it's not a difficult class at that.  Just have to sit there for an hour and learn some bio. And Mondays nights are free.  This has been a rarity this semester and I love having the night to do whatever, generally homework, but still, I'm not required to go and be nice to people, which is sometimes hard.

This morning I actually set my alarm so I could finish homework but I was really productive.  Even after going to bed pretty late and not getting as much sleep as I would have liked I woke up refreshed, happy, and ready to start my day.  Homework got done quick and since I had a few hours I went shopping, not for myself this time :)  I had a few presents I needed to buy for people so I got to feel like I was accomplishing things.

Then, bio was canceled!!  So I relaxed, did some homework, cleaned my room. It's just been a really great day.  Three things checked off my To-Do List and its not even 5:30!  And now that I say that, three things doesn't seem like a huge deal, but it felt really great to get them done.  Now back to homework.

October

October comes with its ups and downs.

Ups:
We are over half way through the semester!!
Fall has been exceptionally beautiful this year
It's finally sweater season :)

Downs:
So many political phone calls and commercials...
Sweater season is very rapidly turning into coat season
Wind

I love fall because I get to snuggle up under 4 blankets when I go to sleep but waking up turns into the hardest thing I've ever done.  Getting out of bed has never been such a mental argument.  Bed = warm, World = cold, harsh, and unwelcoming.

Homework also gets hard.  My hands and feet get so cold just sitting at my desk.  So today, I bought adorable gloves, the fingerless kind with the mitten thing that can flip over.  They're perfect for computer work!!  And they are cute, so win win.

And Thanksgiving is in a month, and that is one of my favorite holiday's so I'm getting excited!!

Inertia

Words of wisdom are not something I usually take from Fluids.  Dorgan's random tangents don't relate to me and are generally not very important at all. But class yesterday was different.  In usual Dorgan fashion, he decided to explain a simple concept in detail.  This week that simple concept was inertia.
Inertia is the idea that a body in motion remains in motion and a body at rest remains at rest.  Not a terribly hard concept to grasp, but like I said, Dorgan likes to elaborate.  Dorgan related inertia to a person in a restaurant drinking a beer.  He is far more likely to order another rather than pay and finish the rest of his day.

I've never had trouble making sense of inertia but I've also never related it to my life.  I feel like lately I've been living at rest and am therefore scientifically more likely to remain at rest.  Although I enjoy resting and think it's important, I've been driving myself insane.  I don't being so lazy but the energy to change my inertia is a deterrent to doing work.

I don't know how to change the way I live easily.  It's harding thinking I'll be giving up my laziness but this will prevent me from having a build-up of having to do everything at the same time.

Eventually I would like to get to the point where I have planned time to be spontaneous.  I would love to always be able to say yes when friends want to hang out or if someone needs to talk.  So I'm using this as accountability.  I'll let you know how my changing inertia experiment is going.

Busy Bee!!

Procrastinating does have it's benefits sometimes.  For instance, tonight I was incredibly productive.  I just had a massive amount of stuff to do and didn't really have time for sleep.  Oh well, we'll just add this to my list of all-nighters.  It's not the first and definitely won't be the last!
I've been really lazy lately.  I find every possible thing to do other than homework and studying.  It's really getting to be a problem.  Most of the time I'm doing really good and important things rather than school work and I am fine with devoting more time to people and relationships.  What is starting to bother me is when I procrastinate out of pure laziness.  I have too much on my plate to waste time procrastinating.  So here's to change?  We'll see how productive and motivated I can make myself.

An Apology...

I have blogger's block.  Sorry for the lack of posts.  This will get more exciting once my life does. 

Someone please help us, us college kids!

Quick hello,

My week is crazy busy.  I've never had a week thats been so packed with work so it will be interesting to see how I come out of it.

I have an exciting weekend coming up.  It's Fall Conference and we get to spend a few days away from school, work, and homework, and relax up in Estes.  I'm so ready to let go of this stress.  I'm also really ready for a break from the hotel.  I was not made to work in customer service...

I've discovered a few things about myself lately.  Mainly, I am a selfish and greedy person.  Especially with my time and money.  It's something that I've known and tried to work on but this past week those two faults have become overwhelmingly apparent.  It's something I'll talk more about later...probably.

Here are some fun pictures from forever ago.

This was from Spaghetti Dinner and Field Day that we (Intervarsity) put on at the beginning of the school year.  I believe I made 10 lbs of pasta for that.  We had left over pasta for at least a month after that.

These flowers were a birthday gift from one of my favorite people ever.  Unfortunately she was sick the night we went out and partied up Golden and I didn't have a chance to see her until a week later.  In her defense, the flowers were alive on my birthday, just not when I got them.  Little does she know that dead flowers are one of my favorite things.  :)

In an effort to make weekly bowling nights more exciting, we decided to play a way where we switched bowling strategies every frame.  This frame was the most fun.

When Life Gives You Lemons

I think most people tend to bite into lemons and just accept the bitterness that comes with them.  I've been there, many times before.  But I have moments when rather than biting into the bitterness, I make lemonade, and whistle while doing so.  In reality I can't whistle, but in metaphors I think pretending is allowed.
Life will always give you lemons.  I believe the only way to handle them is with joy, not happiness, joy.  Happiness is temporary.  It can be changed depending on how many lemons you are trying to juggle.  Joy cannot be shaken.  I can't tell you how to live with joy, how to push aside the stress and worry and live with an inner peace, but I think one step is recognizing what in your life is sugar.
I have some lemons that I was given tonight.  But my life has also had an abundance of sugar this past week.  The perfect recipe for lemonade!  I just want to encourage those of you with lemons, you can do something other than bite into the bitterness.  Find the sugar in your life.  Let it permeate the lemons.  Let it give you peace.

Sweet Tooth

Lately the weather has been a lot of heat and not a lot of fall.  I'm a sweater and jeans girl so I'm ready for some cooler weather.  But the heat has given me a reason to snack on some delicious frozen treats.  One of my personal favorites: frozen Mars.  I like any kind of frozen candy bar actually, but Mars is the front runner.  I've also discovered a Peanut Butter Chocolate Shake that is way too good to be true.
My favorite though is Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream...see a trend??

Haagen-Dazs has the best.  It's the closest thing to heaven in a spoon.  You can thank me later.

Rupert

For those of you that don't know, I have a pet snake.  He lives in my bathroom window and occasionally will say hello.  Seeing as he was on the other side of the glass, Rupert and I were friends.

He's in the middle with his head resting on the stick.

One morning I was getting ready and while brushing my teeth, turned my head towards the window only to see Rupert's head on my window sill...INSIDE the bathroom.  Rupert and I's friendship was based solely on the fact that he was living outside of the window so at this point, it was survival of the fittest.
I quickly ran out of the bathroom, grabbed my camera for proof, and then proceeded to finish getting ready...outside of the bathroom.  Before leaving, I went into the bathroom to check on him and make sure I was leaving him were I could see him...only I couldn't.  Rupert had disappeared.  I only had a few minutes left before needing to leave and I spent that precious time booby-trapping my room.   After my friends had fun telling me all the places he could show up (my bed, shoes, etc.) they came over to help me snake hunt.  We found him outside again but he hid in the wall before we could get him.  Needless to say, now there is tape over the crack in the window and me and Rupert are friends again.