63!!

I am so proud to be on leadership with such an amazing group of people.  A couple of weeks ago we were nearing the deadline for Fall Conference.  With a goal of 70 people and only 27 registered, we had a lot of work to do in 3 days.  80 names were written down and we committed to holding each other accountable to invite them.  It was overwhelming to think about.  

But God really moved in this moment.  In 3 days we nearly doubled our number, reaching 49 registered.  With an extension, the number was brought up to 63, and the last 7 people registered in the last couple of hours!  It was so amazing to get the updates and see God working through all of us leaders.  

I am getting so excited for Fall Conference because of the people we have going.  I wrote out the list of all 63 people yesterday and was so surprised at how long the list was!  I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to create close bonds with friends, to spend time in the mountains, and to focus on being filled and refreshed with the presence of God.  

So, to everyone that worked so hard to invite friends, thank you so much!  It's a blessing to know you and call you friends  :) 

Divine Provision

You know those days where everything goes wrong.  EVERYTHING.  Day's when your car battery is dead and getting a new battery is a 2 hour long $100 adventure. Day's when you leave home at 8 and get back 14 1/2 hours later. Day's that you are so emotionally drained you can't even talk.  And then, maybe you spray water all over yourself because the bathroom sink is messed up.  Day's when you only remember stuff when you don't need to get it and you only forget those very important things when you are running late.  And while heading over to grab the thing you forgot that is making you late, you're crying and have no way of stopping because you are so drained of any energy all you can do is cry.  And then the place you are going to is the first bible study of the semester and you have to lead it with abounding joy and overflowing energy and the thought of that is totally overwhelming.  

That was my day.  I was ready to quit and crying in the parking lot 5 minutes before bible study was proof of that.  But thank God that I was forced to continue with my day.  Cause bible study kinda rocked my world.

Tonight was one of the most intense bible studies ever.  I saw God opening hearts.  I've never had that experience with people I've just met before, and even if most of them didn't know how to handle sharing the things God was placing on their hearts, it was neat to see them open up so much.  Two people starting tearing up from sharing about death's they've had to deal with.  People started confessing things they knew needed to change (to almost complete strangers).  We talked for twice the time that was planned for and we could have talked way longer.  It was just really cool.  

In a way, I'm a little bit scared for this semester because I see a lot of places that weren't controlled tonight and I think if Kevyn and I are able to harness the energy and excitement we saw tonight, the potential is unbelievable.  These freshmen are visioning for what they want on our campus already and it completely blows me away.  I'm really excited to become friends with these amazing individuals and catch some of the fire they have for Jesus!!  

I have been in a similar situation several times this semester already.  Holy cow, that's a lot of s's.  Anyway, the pattern is becoming : I freak out, God provides above and beyond.  It happened again.  Second week of school and I think this would be the third time God has revealed himself in this way.  

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity."  Jeremiah 29 : 11 - 14a

Hello again!!

I realize it has been near a million years since I have posted anything here.  I need to get better.  And I think I will be!  Because I've been encouraged to spend 5 minutes a day thinking about the ways God showed himself to me and how that is changing me as a leader.  I've adapted it a little so that not only am I reflecting on how he's showing himself, but I also take time to ask him to reveal himself to me.

And it's really neat to spend time thinking about it!  Asking myself how I am being changed as a leader is one of the hardest questions I've ever had to answer, but reflecting on how God is showing up has been really neat.  Because he has been!  I think I had a mentality that InterVarsity at Mines was kinda being abandoned this year.  And we did lose a lot of people and a lot of support.  I was excited for the potential of what our fellowship could accomplish without our head, but very nervous at the same time.

I seemed to completely forget that God is ultimately our leader and that he will always provide.  I'm blown away by how he has provided.  The pattern I've been noticing now is I'll worry about one thing, and then God comes through in this over-the-top way that amazes me.  Then something else comes up that I worry about and God provides for that as well.  I hope I can start remembering all the ways I've been cared for so that I can release my controls and give everything up to God.  I'm so excited about the potential I am already seeing for this year.

Dear Tom,

The squeaky wheel really does get the grease! :)  This post is dedicated written because of you.

I just got home from God Answers.  We got a panel of pastors and asked people for their best questions.  Last year was the first time InterVarsity put this on and it blew us all away.  So, this year I think people went in expecting a miracle again and at the start, not many people showed and I think that was a little discouraging to some.  Either way I was excited to listen to some answers to hard questions.

Then I was asked to pray for the event in a separate room with a few others.  My initial reaction was disappointment because I really did want to be in the room, but after starting to pray, I realized the huge honor and opportunity I was given.  We spent 2 1/2 hours in that room, not necessarily praying the entire time, with a little break in the middle.  That's the most time I've ever spent in prayer.

It was great because we had a specific thing we needed to pray for, but it was still very vague in that.  We all just prayed about what we felt called to, and had a couple people texting us about certain things that really needed prayer. That prayer was a conversation between me, God, and 4 other people, and that was incredible!  That is what group prayer should look like, and I would love to share that with others.  Ya, I don't really know what else to add.  I spent the last couple of hours sitting, but I still feel totally wiped.  That just took a lot out of me, but filled me up at the same time.  

Blessings

The past few days have been kinda weird for me.  It's been as though I haven't been the one living my life, I've just been observing people live around me. I've felt stuck in a bubble unable to connect to people; and this is a huge problem since I'm a relational person and need that connection.  But studying alone all day can do that to you, I guess.

I think thats when it started.  Tuesday was spent locked up in my room attempting to learn biochem.  And then large group was different.  It was really good, but I was put in a really different situation so what I got out of large group is much different than what others got out of large group.  This is only a problem when you are the person responsible for writing a blog about the evening to get others to interact and learn and reflect more.  So, ya, I'm just having a problem putting what I learned aside and writing for the group.

The relational bubble continued today with more studying, and then heading to work, which made it the weirdest Wednesday every.  But I got a Starbucks gift card, so not all was lost. Then it was bible study.  Lately, I've gone into bible study with low expectations or little energy, although there is absolutely no reason for me to do that.  But this amazing group of people never fail to brighten my day.  A couple weeks ago, we walked around the dorms and asked people to study a passage for a few minutes with us.  I was expecting so many no's, but every person me and Chris talked to said yes; the person wrapped in a towel ready to take a shower, the atheist doing homework, the boys playing video games; every single person.  And perhaps the best part was I got to follow Chris around and see him lead his friends.  I didn't do anything, and that was so amazing to see; to tangibly see God's faithfulness.

Tonight we had another great discussion.  Just really digging into the passage and asking questions that we can't answer.  Bible study is not something I do well, but it is so great to be surrounded by a group that so strongly desires answers.  They are not settled, they are not content with mediocre faith, they search for answers, they seek.  I can't even explain how much they have taught me.

And tomorrow I get to look at a room full of the group leading next year.  I am so excited to learn more from this group.  This year was so amazing, it's hard to think of even more being possible next year!

Blogger's Block

I don't know why I always find it so difficult to start writing a new post on Burning Embers.  I generally have an idea of what I want to say, but I think that my writing gets better the further on in the post.  So, I'm gonna practice and rant here first I suppose.  Large Group tonight was about judging people.  I'm a judgmental person.  I try not to let people know that I am judging them, but it leads to me getting really annoying over really stupid things; like bad drivers. I judge drivers all the time, and I get mad and frustrated, and that makes me a worse driver, which makes me more mad.  It's just a never ending cycle.

And I hate people that judge, I know, I realize the hypocrisy.  I firmly believe that we are called to love everyone and in that, not judge them.  But for some reason, I cannot apply this to myself.  I am able to give strangers a free pass (somewhat), but I am really hard on my friends.  I just hold you all to a really high standard, and I ignore the plank.

...Inspired.  This worked.

Spiritual High

A good way to describe the place I'm in is high on Jesus.  This semester has been amazing and I have been so unbelievably blessed.

Bible study has been the source of most of my blessings.  I have an amazing co-leader and such a great group of people.  All of my fears have been proved insignificant.  I was scared to lead alone, turns out it was nothing to be scared of.  I was scared to invite people but we have an average of 12 people that come every week.  I was afraid to be asked questions and not know answers, but instead our freshman answer each others questions.  And I was afraid to pray, and God has worked through that also. 

Me and Daniel were talking about bible study one night and we decided to switch it up and each face one of our fears.  So I was opening the bible study in prayer and Daniel was bondly praying for healing for the mother of one of our bible studiers.  We prayed, and the cancer that had spread into her bones is no longer there.  I don't care if you want to explain it by coincidence or whatever kind of excuse you want to come up with.  We believed her to be sick, we prayed, and the next week she was better. 

God rocks.

At A Loss For Words

This is a bad place to be in on a Tuesday night for me.  This is the second official week of the large group blog that I have been writing, and I've been loving using a blog as a medium to reach out to people.  It has been a blessing to have the responsibility to reflect and to encourage others to do the same. Week 2 seems like a pretty important week in the scheme of "marketing" the blog.  It is still new enough to spark peoples interest and they have now heard about it from several different sources.  Facebook brings 40 page views, emails bring 80, so as time goes on, people are starting to notice.

Unfortunately they are noticing the same week we have a sex and relationship talk at large group.  Don't get me wrong, I love relationships.  Relationships are how I see God.  I can see the beauty in a relationship that is striving towards God and I love how the relationship between God and the church is described by a marriage.

This topic does not make me uncomfortable at all, in fact it's a conversation I think I have had with almost all of my friends.  But I am scared to write this post for all of Intervarsity and Facebook friends to read.  How do I write broad enough to make everyone happy, try to limit making people uncomfortable, and still get the point across?

Leaps of Faith

So far, this semester has not been a normal school year.  Yes, I've been busy with classes and hanging out with friends a lot, but things have been different.  I attribute it to God.
At the end of last year I was asked into leadership with Intervarsity.  My initial response was "Are you sure?"  but after lots of talks with people that I respect and love I decided to give it a shot.  My only emotion was fear.  I was so scared to lead a group when I felt like I didn't have a good basis in bible knowledge or prayer.  What if I couldn't answer questions?  What if I looked like an idiot?  These thoughts were constantly in my mind.
I felt a little comforted after leaders retreat and as I became much closer to Daniel, my co-leader.  I began to realize that no one ever has it figured out or has all the answers.  As I grew comfortable with the idea of leading, the thought of gathering people made me shake in my boots.  I am not an outgoing person, at all.  Especially when it comes to religion.  I think I project my assumptions onto those I'm talking to.  I feel as though they'll be insulted that I invited them to bible study or large group.  They're not.
So, I never actually made a conscience decision to stop having these feelings hold me back, but I never thought of them after school started.  Me and Daniel attacked our dorm.  We met so many people in the course of a few days and starting developing really great friendships.  We continued inviting constantly, called people and talked to them all the time; we just didn't stop, and energy came from no other place than God.  It was incredible.
Then I broke.  Turns out you can't spend all your time devoted to a group of people and juggle school not including your normal life and relationships.  It was really hard.  I felt like I let so many people down and I was disappointed in myself.  So I let myself rest, but I didn't stop.
Am I completely exhausted?  Absolutely
Am I emotionally drained?  Constantly
Is it worth it?  Yes.  I have never felt so encouraged, so loved, and so supported in my entire life.  I have been terrified to do every single thing I've done this year but I've decided to push my fear aside and trust and I have never been so rewarded.